


Drowning in Silence

by Ch3rryWin3



Category: We Are The Ants - Shaun David Hutchinson
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Like that’s all he’s doing, M/M, Or fluff, The Author Regrets Nothing, based on Out Loud by Gabbie Hanna ig, bc Jesse is...yknow dead, bc the idea struck me while listening to that on repeat, its my default writing style, it’s literally Henry crying on the beach, literally just depressing, no comfort, no happy anything, rip Henry, the author likes angst too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 04:49:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15656088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ch3rryWin3/pseuds/Ch3rryWin3
Summary: Some days I think the universe is out to get me, trying to make my life as miserable as possible. Other days, I’m certain. Certain that if some almighty being does exist, he or she has it out for me. Or maybe it’s the sluggers, destroying my existence for an experiment.





	Drowning in Silence

Some days I think the universe is out to get me, trying to make my life as miserable as possible. Other days, I’m certain. Certain that if some almighty being does exist, he or she has it out for me. Or maybe it’s the sluggers, destroying my existence for an experiment.

Today was one of the days I was certain. One of the days where missing Jesse overtook my entire body with such a ferocity nothing could take me from the sadness. Not even Marcus McCoy who’d taken a sudden interest in me.

Sometimes between classes or during lunch he’d pull me into a bathroom to make out. I hated him for it. I hated myself for it. Jesse had been dead three months but I felt...wrong. Kissing someone who wasn’t Jesse. But that was the point. Marcus wasn’t Jesse. He was a brief distraction.

Sometimes I could practically taste his presence, smell his familiar scent. Jesse Franklin was far from gone from my mind. He was as present as ever. But yet he was still entirely gone.

It had been three months and I was still sitting here on the beach sobbing with such force I was worried I would throw up an organ. Jesse was everywhere.

The beach where we’d frequented day and night. No more soaked blond curls and bright smiles. No more shitty sand castles or splash fights. Now it was just me and the sea life, alone in the darkness.

Sometimes I could still hear him say my name, still feel his heartbeat against my ear. I hated him for leaving. I hated myself for hating him. I hated Audrey for leaving when I needed her most. I hated myself more for never knowing something was wrong with the boy I’d loved so much.

I was constantly drowning in the silence of a world without Jesse. Mom and Charlie arguing over whatever hardly made a noise when it had once been so overwhelmingly loud. The taunts of “space boy” barely penetrated. My once overwhelmingly loud life was suffocatingly silent.

In that moment I was desperate for Jesse’s familiar warmth. Sweet things he’d whisper to me, sweet things I’d whisper back. I wanted him back. I wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare and go to school and there he would be.

Shining smile and blond curls and too blue eyes. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. Tell him how much I cared about him, tell him all the things I never said out loud but I meant with all my heart.

I punched the ground. Once. Twice. Sand got into my eyes, into my hair. I didn’t care. I punched the beach like it had been the one to kill Jesse until I stopped crying, more or less collapsing in my own exhaustion.

The dull ache in my knuckles was welcomed, something to think about that wasn’t Jesse. But everything always managed to come back to Jesse Franklin. Just like when he was alive.

I thought about pulling out my phone and opening his Snowflake page, but I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t bring myself to look at his smiling face knowing I’d never see that smile again.

  
And it was there I fell asleep, lying on the beach consumed by thoughts of Jesse. Jesse, who I’d never see again. Jesse, who I’d never truly hear laugh again, even if ghosts of his laughter still rang in my ears. But that’s all he was now, a ghost.


End file.
